America Stays "Competitive"...

...AND WHAT THIS BILL WON'T TEACH YOU

So follow along: I'm gonna show you, step by step, how to read between the lines of modern political bullshiting. I'm into PR and marketing; I know what I'm talking about here.

Step one: don't skim. Never. Read every sentence. Read it twice. The Truth is in there, and it hurts. (The other steps aren't numbered just follow...)

I admit I don't check my general email in-bin as well as I used to. It gets far too many emails (most political not strictly spam, though I include several politicians in that category), and the people I NEED to talk to have their own filters.

But during cleanup today, this subject completely caught my eye, like a giant gnat dive-bombing and sticking to my cornea:

"Keeping America Competitive"

You KNOW when you read something like that, you're gonna read some real entertaining (if it weren't reality) 1984-style word-spinning (just trust me--this gift for BS ID will come naturally to you later). And it didn't disappoint. I got so dizzy, I nearly threw up:

A few weeks ago the Senate passed the America Competes Act -- legislation I helped write to ensure our country remains competitive in the global marketplace for decades to come.

The bill was a result of two years of bipartisan cooperation, and I was proud to be a part of the process -- it's the way lawmaking is supposed to work. The final bill passed the Senate by a vote of 88-8.

Uh, how about just kill NAFTA already? It took y'all two years to figure out how to fuck up our nation's economy more than it is? Oh, and NEVER trust a person using the word "bipartisan". I mean NEVER. Especially when the next word is "cooperation". Why don't you just say "turnkey solution" so I can post you on my PR Wall of Shame, already, for bad-marketer horse-beaten word-spinning. The two words together are MEANINGLESS.

And thanks for ensuring me there's little I can do, by adding "for decades to come".

I'm being surly; don't listen to them. There is no such thing as a bill that can't be repealed. Don't forget it.

And please don't miss how much self-back-slapping happened in just two, short paragraphs. Like him, already?

The America Competes Act addresses a very serious problem: the fact that we are losing our technological superiority to nations such as China and India.

Uh, NAFTA? Remember that little thing the "bipartisans" passed that killed all our manufacturing jobs, but no one paid attention until it hit the tech sector? And by that time, those five little letters were forgotten.

And making burgers at McDonald's are still not manufacturing jobs, no matter what my dear Brother says. Sorry.

The reasons are twofold. Right now we’re investing too little in the basic science that yields technological discoveries, and we’re not preparing the next generation of scientists, mathematicians and engineers to carry out future research endeavors.

OH! That's the issue! It isn't that you SOLD US OUT for cheap labor.

And what's missing here, as usual?

ART.

I don't agree with Tolstoy. Neither did most other famous philosophers. This is a real sticky point for me, and not because I'm an artist.

As I'm also both a gifted mathematician and scientist. I scored perfect in math in all testing in college, and follow the movie Pi in nearly real-time (I'm not THAT fast). My husband regularly credits me for being my own best researcher and scientist when anything goes wrong.

No, that isn't weird; ALL THREE COME FROM THE SAME PART OF THE BRAIN. If you can do one, you can probably do all three.

So why leave out art? Why has it's funding become NIL over time in America?

Artists make shitty robots. THEY WANT ROBOTS. They want you to build better weapons and better technology to help their cronies make more money, not you. And they don't want you to ask questions; just take your check home and shut up. It ain't about bettering the world. WAKE UP. And by that I don't mean go get more espresso.

Even if you don't think yourself an "artist", art teaches several dangerous (to their goals) things anyone can use, including:

1. Critical thought.
2. Creative problem-solving.
3. "Outside the box" thinking, where a real solution (but not the one they're trying to craft) usually lies.
4. Being able to see the trees and the forest, so to speak, at once.
5. Spiritual/material balance.
6. A sense of self.

Heaven forbid we have a country of people working on technologies that can also independently THINK. No way. So no funding.

Fortunately, the America Competes Act addresses both of those problems, ensuring that we retain our position as the most innovative country in the world.

Whew! And I was worried about the war, jobs and healthcare. Silly me.

First, the America Competes Act ramps up the quality of K-12 instruction by focusing on teachers at every level of their careers. [editor note: OH SHIT! You POOR teachers!] For example, it provides incentives for colleges and universities to ensure teachers-in-training better develop their skills in math and science. It also provides opportunities for teachers already in the classroom to strengthen their math and science skills by, among other things, training at the National Science Foundation and at our national laboratories.

WHAAAAAAT?!?!?! Okay, if you don't smell "how to build a better A-bomb" by now, get your nostrils out of your gas tank. Why in the WORLD would I trust a national Institute (capitolized on purpose, and so is that spelling error) to train anyone?!

America Competes also encourages students to pursue studies in math, science or engineering, both at the K-12 and postsecondary levels. It increases opportunities for students to take Advanced Placement courses in math and science and participate in internship programs at the national labs. America Competes also provides an array of scholarships and fellowships for students to pursue postsecondary degrees in math, science, or engineering.

Oops! Left out, "Cuz we're already behind on fulfilling the ROI to our cronies at Haliburton and Lockheed Martin, so we need to fast-track these kiddies before they're old enough to think and evaluate their life decisions properly..." Get 'em while they're young, I like to say. Good thinking, but you forgot to mention it. The rest of the kiddies can make their McDonald's burgers so you can use the "technology" to make better diabetic drugs to sell them.

Kids, hold out for a better deal. If it sounds too good to be true, it is. No, it really is. A pink-and-blue-haired bitch wouldn't lie to you on that one.

The bill also renews our investment in basic science research. It would double the authorized funding levels for the National Science Foundation over five years and set the Department of Energy's Office of Science on a path to double over 10 years. The National Science Foundation and DOE together have given us some of the most important scientific discoveries in the past few decades. Work carried out under the Office of Science is developing a new artificial retina that gives blind persons the ability to make out shapes. [always put the human interest bit first.] Other research is helping to understand the basic behavior of the polar ice cap and the effects of global warming.

What's to UNDERSTAND? I actually don't think it takes a rocket scientist to know, but for some reason we remain the only country in the world that doesn't think global warming is happening? If rolling blackouts were real (they aren't), may they take out your air conditioning, you seedless cucumber. Oh sorry, that's Monsanto.

Ask New Orleans what the effects are.

The idea behind the America Competes Act is to guarantee that the best paying jobs of the future would be developed right here in our own country. But it has the added bonus of helping us tackle some of our most pressing concerns, such as our strong desire to become more energy independent.

Oh boy, this is gonna be good... never trust the phrase "energy independent" without checking their voting record at VoteSmart.org.

Already, Sandia and Los Alamos national labs are doing extremely valuable research in the area of clean and efficient energy technology...

Sorry to break this paragraph, but also never, NEVER trust "clean and efficient energy". It's gonna be followed by coal or nuclear, not anything already known to be "clean" nor "efficent". Their cronies ain't building solar panels nor windmills.

They can't even leave the REAL "clean and efficient" alone. You know ethanol (corn--pushed thanks to ADM) is produced by coal plants that pollute like mad, right?

...Scientists at Sandia are working on research to replace the light bulb with highly efficient light emitting diodes. And at Los Alamos, engineers are working on technology that will allow us to burn coal [HA! Told you!] without releasing greenhouse gases into the atmosphere. America Competes will make an even greater investment in our labs, tapping them for even more energy-related research.

In the coming months, I will be working with the House of Representatives to finalize America Competes and get it to President Bush's desk for signature. [that should be easy it's bullshit] It's one of the most important pieces of legislation we can enact for our nation’s future.

What is America competing for? Friendliest Fascism in the World?